After counseling a dear friend about how to cope with the unbearably meddling mother of her husband’s 8 year old daughter, and receiving numerous advice letters from sisters who were hurt , broken, confused and therefore misdirecting their anger, I felt the need to address the women of the world about how we treat one another and moreover, how we treat ourselves.
I want you to keep in mind that each of these stories are real and the women in these stories are all educated, accomplished, and normally very sensible ladies. What they all have in common is that they each gave up their “Power”, and somewhere along the line lost control of their emotions.
Samirah a school guidance counselor is an angry and admittedly lonely ex wife. She’s been divorced for 4 years and denies her daughter’s father the right to see his child, despite court ruling, simply because she is jealous that he remarried. The father has begged her on several occasions to be sensible and stop putting the child in the middle. Yet, Samirah constantly dogs the father out to the 8 year old girl telling her that “Daddy doesn’t love us anymore” and “Daddy’s new wife took him away from us”. She even refused to allow the child to be in her fathers wedding. The father has now filed for shared custody.
A cheating boyfriend two timed his girlfriend Kara, of 5 years with one of his coworkers. The cheater carried the relationship on with the co-worker for 14 months before wifey, Kara found out. When she went to his job to confront them both, the “other woman” told her that she “didn’t care how long they’ve been together, what we do is what we do and you can’t stop me from sleeping with him no matter if you stay with him or not”. Kara and the woman came to blows which resulted in Kara spraining her ankle. Surprisingly, Kara did not leave the cheater and is still sharing her man with the woman til this day . She is currently on depression medication.
Candice is vengeful and bitter that her son’s father moved on to a new relationship within a year after their break up, so she decided to take it out on the new girlfriend. Candice wrote letters to the new girl claiming that she was still sleeping with the ex (lies), she harassed the new girl via phone at her job, and started showing up at the ex’s house unannounced and ready to fight the new girl. The new girlfriend now gives her boyfriend heat whenever he wants to go spend time with his son. So his visits are decreasing.
I think we could all agree that each of these situations would make for some goooooood day time tv, Maury perhaps.
But all jokes aside, each situation is very troubling and paints a true depiction of how sometimes we (women) allow our emotions to control us.
Samirah has expressed to me how much she loves her daughter and wanted her to be unaffected by her divorce. Yet Samirah is the very one assassinating the fathers’ character to her impressionable 8 yr old. The fact that she denies him the right to see his daughter is deplorable. There are so many deadbeat fathers out there who refuse to take care of their children let alone have a quality relationship with them. Samirah’s ex husband is front and center when it comes to his daughter yet Samirah is using her as a pawn to manipulate her ex…..not fair and just flat out wrong. Ladies, if you find yourself in a situation where your bitterness is consuming you, SEEK HELP AND FAST! Never taint your children or load them down with your own emotional baggage.
In situation #2, Kara gave her up her personal power when she made the choice to stay with a man who continued to blatantly cheat on her. When we compromise ourselves and settle