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Charlie Sheen went on a rant so epic CBS shut down production of “Two And A Half Men” for the season. In this latest rant Sheen brags about his army of assassins, clowns, AA and their 5% success rate while talking up the fact that he’s a winner. 

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Sheen’s rants may almost be comparable to those of Mel Gibson. So, we decided to turn it up a notch. We took Charlie Sheen’s latest radio rants and put them next to Mel Gibson’s drunken tirade and with quotes like Charlie Sheen saying, “I’m gonna hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here but I sure like the view, Alex!” this is shaping up to be like a heavy weight boxing match of rants.

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So while we wait for the return of “Two And A Half Men,” check out this battle of ranting heavyweights. 

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“You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault.” -Mel Gibson

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“I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy” -Charlie Sheen

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“I’m not giving you my house and you can rot unless you crawl back, s*ck my cock and say you’re sorry, in that order! Do you understand me? You f*cking offend my f*cking maleness, my masculinity, my being, my soul!”- Mel Gibson

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“Guys, it’s right there in the thing, duh! We work for the Pope, we murder people. We’re Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.” – Charlie Sheen

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“She was fucking making eyes at me. She’d have sucked me in 5 seconds. Take that one up with her. I was trying to spare your g–damn feelings. She’d have blew me in 5 seconds! She’s not your friend.” – Mel Gibson

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“There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.” -Charlie Sheen

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“I’ll put you in a fucking rose garden, you cunt. You understand that? Because I’m capable of it. You understand that?” -Mel Gibson

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“Where there were four, there are now three. Good-bye, Brooke, and good luck in your travels; you’re going to need it. Badly … She’s not there now and we are and I don’t know, winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning? Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry man, didn’t make the rules. Oops. -Charlie Sheen

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“Shut the fuck up! You should just fucking smile and blow me! ‘Cause I deserve it.” -Mel Gibson

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“Look what I’m dealing with, man. I’m dealing with fools and trolls. I’m dealing with soft targets, and it’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee … they lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, ‘I can’t process it.’ Well, no, and you never will! Stop trying! Just sit back and enjoy the show.” -Charlie Sheen

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“I need a woman, not a fucking little girl with a fucking dysfunctional cunt. I need a fucking woman. I don’t need medication. You need a fucking bat to the side of the head. All right? How about that? You need a fucking doctor. You need a fucking brain transplant. You need a fucking soul.” -Mel Gibson

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“The only thing I’m addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math … another one of their mottoes is ‘Don’t be special, be one of us.’ Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you! I have a disease? Bullshit! I cured it with my brain, with my mind.” -Charlie Sheen

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“Why can’t you be a woman who fucking supports me instead of a woman that sucks off me.” -Mel Gibson

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“If you love with violence and you hate with violence, there’s nothing that can be questioned. People say, ‘Oh, you’d better work through your resentments.’ Yeah, no. I’m gonna hang on to them, and they’re gonna fuel my attack. And they’re going to fuel the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they’re all around you. Sorry, you thought you were just messing with one dude. Winning.” -Charlie Sheen

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