Everytime Nick Cannon pops up on a blog somewhere, his name in the post always starts or ends with the words ‘corny,’ ‘goofy’ or something like that. This makes me very curious to know what is it that makes him corny?
I’m not on the dude’s d*** or anything but I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what it is that stamps his cornball certificate. Here’s a list of things that Nick is now known for:
1. He hosts a highly rated nationally televised show.
2. He likes to wear Suits
3. He’s married to Mariah Carey
4. He’s been getting TV and movie money since 1995
5. He’s dated Selita Ebanks, Christina Milian, and Kim Kardashian
6. If you’re old enough, your kids love him
7. If you’re young enough, you probably either wanted to be him or down with him.
Now here’s where your track record comes in…
1. You haven’t been on TV but your family has been on four episodes of COPS.
2. Your idea of dressing up is matching a dirty, white tee with dirty, white Air Force 1s.
3. Who are we kidding, you’re too angry and annoying to be married to anybody.
4. Your Google Ads balance is in the negative because your blog has the traffic of a dead end street full of gangbangers.
5. Your last date was with your gynecologist/proctologist
6. Nick Cannon has done more before the age of 20 than you’ve done in 20 years.
7. Deep down, you really want to be just like Nick Cannon
In comparison, ol’ Nick isn’t really that corny at all. It looks like all the folks trying to s*** dude are the corny ones. Oh well, what else is new?