My friend’s man is cheating on her. Lets call her “Jen” and lets call him “Joe”. I’ve known for a while that Joe’s the type of dude whose penis might be doubling as a gardening tool BUT because I’m also friends with him (and have technically known him longer) I’ve sort of pushed it to the backburner of my mind.
Lucky me, until today Joe never told me directly about his cheating or did anything in front of my face. Though I “felt it” on some level for a while, I could always say I didn’t absolutely know for sure.
If you saw my last blog, dear reader, you would know that I’m on a detox. Midnight tonight will make it four days of purifying my system. I’ve been chillin at my cabin in the country–drinking only pure cranberry juice, reading ‘The Art of Happiness’ by the Dalai Lama and generally being Zen.
If only for Joe’s sake I was not stone cold sober his glaring faux pas today might have slipped under the radar. You see, my friend Joe sent me an email expressing his excitement for our trip to New York City this weekend, telling me the hotel we’re staying in and describing some of the things that are going to go down in that hotel room. The problem of course is that Miss Katie Rost has no sextravaganza plans with her darling friend Joe for this weekend. Miss Katie Rost would rather perform a root canal on herself with a machete and chain saw then let her friend Joe smack it up, flip it, rub it down. Yes, dear reader, this was a clear case of an accidental email…
Upon closer inspection, I noticed that Joe has saved me in his address book as “Katie R”. I can only assume that there is either another “Katie R” or that at the very least this other Katie– who will apparently be knocking boots with my friend Jen’s man all weekend at the Soho Grand– is “Katie A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, or Z!”
Before I put Joe on blast, I want to tell him for the record that I’ve always thought he is a really nice guy.
What I kinda “get” is that Joe loves Jen, but he’s a flirt and totally devious, and sexual monogamy will probably never happen for him.
What I kinda don’t “get” is why Joe is promising Jen his faithfulness if he knows he can’t do it?! Why doesn’t he procure a “cool” girlfriend or wife who will be down for some threesomes and not consider weekends away with other chicks as a crime against the relationship?
I know for sure some women can handle that sort of thing! I for one must admit that I’m not one of them and could never date Joe because one or both of us would end up locked up for something that would make what went down between Rhianna and Chris Brown look like your everyday lovers spat. Yeah, I said it…
I’ve considered forwarding the email to my friend. I’ve considered calling Joe and laying into him about the whole thing. Really, I’m mostly irritated because I was doing my chanting… “reng-yey-seng-ya, da, la-ken, yo”, and running around in the woods with my dogs hugging trees and contemplating the organic love I have for all of God’s wonderful creations when I get snapped back into just wanting to knock a dude upside the head.
This has been a “Zen-be-gone” situation!
So, in the interest in resolving this problem quickly and effectively, I’ve put down the Dalai Lama’s book and picked up “The 48 Laws of P
