International Men's Day: 5 Traits Men Should Flush Down The Toilet

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For some, the need for an International Men’s Day could be laughable, considering so many men are in power.

Fellas continue to dominate in so many fields, including politics and business, and our overwhelming presence impacts everything from policies, to the environment, to the economic climate. This looming presence is a big reason why gender inequity remains to this day and anyone who’s not a man can get pushed to the margins.

So why do we have an International Men’s Day, again?

It could be a healthy opportunity to discuss manhood in all its messy, complex ways. As the years go on, manhood continues to be redefined and re-imagined depending on who you want to be as a person.

And if you’re a man who wants to do away with harmful behavior, let’s face it…some things need to get flushed down the toilet in 2019. Luckily, International Men’s Day falls on the same day as World Toilet Day.

It’s fate.

So to find out what traits men should send down the drain, hit the next pages!

Having To Lead All The Time 

There are many men who feel like they need to be the head of the family, the organization, the company board, heck…even the usher board. And if they’re not the ones leading a group, they feel like their homeboy should take the reins or some other man.

I just have one word to say to this…

RELAX.

Have a glass of lemonade. Rest your feet. Lay your burdens down.

Rigid gender roles have taught many guys that when it comes to major decision making, only men are strong-willed or skilled enough to make rational decisions. But just like any other gender, men also get exhausted, uncertain or just plain don’t know what the hell they’re doing. And if the goal is to dominate rather than come up with the best possible solution, then you’ll miss a zillion opportunities to learn from someone else. You’ll also risk the growth of the collective and not just a single person.

Mansplaining 

If you find yourself…

a. Explaining a subject to a woman, assuming she knows nothing about it

b. Telling a woman how she feels

c. Saying you know more about women than an actual woman knows

Congratulations, you’ve been cordially invited to the mansplainers club.

A big part of mansplaining is rooted in the belief that men know more than woman, even about their own bodies and life experiences. This thought should immediately go down the toilet because we all have different experiences, knowledge and special talents. All women are not the same and all men are not the same.

One simple alternative to mansplaining is actually listening to what women have to say, along with asking questions when necessary and doing your own research when necessary. For example, to learn more about mansplaining, you can check out a Bustle article here.

Dishonesty

This is a big one that everyone struggles with, regardless of gender. However, honesty among men can be very problematic because it requires you to get in touch with your feelings, which some guys might find “weak” or “woman-like.”

But contrary to popular belief, getting in touch with your feelings is very complicated work, so much that there’s full-blown professions out there to help you if necessary (what’s good therapists!). Only the resilient survive such tough work and once you do, you can go on to be more honest about your finances, your sex life, or your relationships for a more fulfilling life.

Bad Communication 

Some guys are actually pretty honest about their feelings, but how they communicate them is where the problems arise. Some men keep their true feelings bottled up, which can become an issue because if you’re holding onto resentment, it might not show up in your words, but it’ll show up in your actions (e.g. passive aggressiveness, ghosting, cutting someone off without letting them know the reason).

Then, there are some men who’ll let the honesty out, but it comes out in the form of violence or over-aggressiveness. This is the quickest way to damage relationships.

When working on being a better communicator, one thing to think about is who am I trying to communicate with? Will their ability to receive my honesty depend on my tone? If I become aggressive with them, will that damage the relationship severely?

Honesty is key, but how you communicate it can be just as important.

Not owning up to mistakes, criticism or rejection

The final trait men should flush clean down the toilet in 2019 is essentially not owning up to defeat.

“This is a man’s world” is not just some fun lyric your uncle might like to sing at a family gathering. The phrase has a lot of truth to it and men can grow up with a huge sense of entitlement.

I deserve that job. I deserve to be on that team. I deserve that woman. I deserve a world without criticism because I work hard, provide for my family or whatever else the case may be.

This, however, is a toxic way of thinking.

Not being able to own up to rejection or criticism can lead to violence, especially against women or someone you feel entitled to dominate.

Owning up to mistakes, criticism or rejection is hard for everybody. Allow yourself to feel those feelings of doubt, hurt, or pain. Then find a way to move on.

The tools needed might be different for everybody, but once you find them, it could lead to a stress free and open mentality that brings about the growth you desire.