Like Alanis Morissette said, “It’s like rain on your wedding day. It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid.”
Except it’s more like getting caught for selling drugs with the last name Cocaine.
And yep, that actually happened.
Catching the bad guy is fun, but it’s even better when irony meets crime fighting and the results are just too good not to share.
Like that time McGruff the Crime Dog was arrested.
See, aren’t these better than Alanis’ ironic analogies? Because, like seriously, rain on your wedding day isn’t really all that ironic. It just sucks. Really bad.
Anyway, check out 10 times irony and crime clashed to make some of the best news stories ever.
That Time A Drunk Man Wore A Drunk T-Shirt:
And his crime? Driving under the influence, of course. Ross McMakin, 21, was arrested in Oregon in early April after he allegedly drove his car into a sidewalk, hit a parked car and attempted to strangle his girlfriend when she tried to take the keys from him. All while wearing a shirt donning the words “Drunk As Shit.” Because….drunk.
That Time A Murder Suspect Rocked His Murder Tattoo:
How do you convince a jury that you’re innocent of murder when you’re rocking the word “MURDER” across your neck? It’ll be hard. And that’s what scares Jeffrey Chapman, a man accused of the 2011 murder of Damon Galliart. But Chapman has a plan. He’s working with his lawyer to get the tattoo removed or permission to cover it in court to avoid jury prejudice. Because…convenience.
That Time A Gun Safety Instructor Accidentally Shot Someone:
Rule number one in gun safety? “All guns are always loaded.” But instructor Terry J. Dunlap Sr., 73, forgot that one August day while teaching a gun safety course in Ohio. During the demonstration, Dunlap released a bullet from the .38-caliber handgun, which hit a desk and ricocheted into student Michael Piemonte’s right arm. Piemonte survived. Dunlap’s pride, however, is probably dead from embarrassment.
That Time A Guy Named Cocaine Got Arrested For Drugs:
It’s simple. There is a guy. His name is Edward Cocaine. He was charged with illegally possessing drugs. Need we say more?
That Time Breaking Bad Was Real:
Right after AMC’s hit show Breaking Bad ended its reign, we learned of a Montana guy named Walter White (just like the beloved protagonist) who…get this…was arrested for distributing meth. Too. Good. To. Be. True.
That Time That Guy With A Sweet Name Stole All The Sweets:
In September 2013, Iowa City police arrested 25-year-old Conor P. Fudge for taking cakes and containers of ice cream that amounted to $501 from Cold Stone. Because…apparently his name wasn’t enough to cure his sweet tooth.
That Time A Woman Named Crispi Used Bacon To Burn Down The House:
What did a woman named Cameo Crispi use to set fire to her ex-boyfriend’s home? A pound of crispy bacon, of course. And though we love bacon, it was definitely still a crime. The 31-year-old was arrested on March 14 and charged with arson, burglary, assault by a prisoner, interfering with an arresting officer, electronic communication harassment and intoxication after her wasteful stunt. Oh, and burning perfectly good bacon to a crisp.
That Time The Top Aide Behind U.K.’s Porn Filters Was Arrested For Porn:
A top aide to U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron was arrested in February after Cameron found out he was the target of a child porn investigation. Thing is, Patrick Rock was also the same man who helped Cameron draft the legislation behind the county’s national Internet porn filters. So…jail. For a long time.
That Time A Woman Wearing An Abusive Costume Was Arrested For Domestic Violence:
A Michigan woman who decided it would be a great idea to dress up as a victim of domestic violence for Halloween was actually arrested for domestic violence. Cristina Crespo, 26, repeatedly hit her boyfriend with her purse during a holiday pub crawl and was booked on a charge of domestic violence. Because…idiot.
That Time McGruff The Crime Fighting Dog Was Arrested:
In February, John R. Morales, the former McGruff the Crime Dog actor, was sentenced to 16 years in prison three years after police seized 1,000 marijuana plants, 27 weapons – including a grenade launcher, and 9,000 rounds of ammunition from his home. Talk about “taking a bite out of crime.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Police Department, Getty, Screengrab