Now that he’s the president-elect, Obama just can’t get a hold of anyone anymore. A Florida congresswoman on the receiving end of his phone calls thought she was getting punked by a well-trained impersonator and promptly hung up. Not once, but twice. It’s tough being the most popular dude in the country.
Is Clinton allowed to be Secretary of State? Conservative whistle blowers say no. According to a yawn-inducing clause in the Constitution, a senator can’t take a higher office if that office got a pay raise during the senator’s term—and Condi got a raise last January. But Hill’s not gonna let that get in her way. No sirree.
Richie Rich wants to hang with the cool crowd. Bill Gates has hinted that he wouldn’t mind playing a role in Obama’s administration, which is noble and all, but there’s a much simpler way for Bill to go about helping the country. Try bailing out the damn auto fools, for starters. If Bill could just throw ‘em $34 billion in change, he’d easily fulfill his community service hours for the next four years.
What do black Dems and Republicans have in common? Morals. A recent Gallup poll indicates that both groups share the same stance on gay marriage: Only 31% of black Dems and 31% of Republicans say homosexual wedlock is morally acceptable. Methinks these groups need to get served a very large dose of—Jack Black.
As if the situation in Mumbai isn’t devastating enough, it now looks as though the terrorists had it in their (itty bitty) hearts to abuse the hostages before killing them. Assholes.
On a happier note, watch a walrus play a saxophone. And then contemplate your own inadequacy.
