We know what you’re all thinking; how does Obamacare passing and having guaranteed access to health care affect my lifestyle? So you may be wondering if you should be taking more risks now.
The answer of course, is yes, because doctors can’t say no. YOLO.
STORY: A Victory For The People! Barack Speaks On Supreme Court’s Health Care Decision
From now on, we’ll expect excessive YOLOing (You Only Live Once) on a daily basis. Chris Brown won’t have to worry about tweeting pics of his bloody chin anymore during his next nightclub visit.
Jagged champagne glass to the chin is now a thing of the past.
You might as well drive yourself to the ER, glass in it and all, while speeding. And on the way, get a flu shot, and then finish the day off at the orthopedist’s office asking why your elbow keeps making that clicking noise?
There are plenty of ways to recklessly and carelessly celebrate Obamacare.
Take a look at a few of the best ways nationwide to celebrate having health insurance, the gift that keeps on giving.
These may be completely sarcastic, and may or not be recommended by your physician…
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Encouraging More NFL Bounties:
It’s about time Roger Goodell jumps on the Gregg Williams bandwagon. NFL bounties are fun now, good for the game even. A concussion is no more than a mild case of strep throat now, thank you Obama.
And Brett Favre may just come out of retirement now that there’s Obamacare. Tell me you wouldn’t watch the 43-year-old Favre facing off against Patrick Willis, whose mortgage is depending on the snapping of Favre’s tibia. It will bring back excitement to the National Flag-Football League, great idea New Orleans.
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Listen To Every Nickelback Album / Watch Every Nicholas Cage Film:
Take a typically lazy day of the week to attempt something that’s never been done before. Let’s say Tuesday, after you call in sick to work for a major dermatologist appointment. On that day, attempt to listen to every syllable muttered in every Nickelback song and every Nicholas Cage movie.
If you can do this without bleeding from all of the holes in your head, it’s a miracle. If not, you’re already faking sick from work, so from there just head to your doctor. It’ll be their worst scare since Ghost Rider announced its sequel.
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Start Using CNN As Your Exclusive News Source:
In case anyone is unaware, CNN, the major news network, originally had the news about Obamacare wrong. CNN had broadcasted that the SCOTUS ruling overturned Obama’s landmark legislation. It was serious, Republicans were already going buck wild, sending tweets in jubilation, saying that freedom is alive once again.
Minutes later they’d find out it was because it no longer lacked #Healthcare. So what better way to live a little than listening to CNN, where they get it right most of the time. “CNN says the e coli scare is nothing to worry about. Heading to Taco Bell YOLO!”
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Banning Soda Drinks Under 64 Ounces:
Rumor has it that Bloomberg celebrated Obamacare at 7-11, where he bought eight Big Gulps and a dozen cartons of Marlboro Reds.
Obama’s celebration was a bit more moderated, as he settled for a single soda. We hope Bloomberg isn’t a diabetic by the end of the week.
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Legalize Bath Salts:
Forget decriminalizing weed, bath salts are way more exciting. Put guaranteed health care to the test. It’s one thing for doctors to be treating your infantile lung capacity, but re-attaching a limb after a zombie attack from your neighbor is at least challenging.
Imagine the possibilities if bath salts were legalized, we could even make sports leagues out of it. It’s amazing we haven’t came up with super zombie athletes before. UFC; with bath salts; Chess; with bath salts; Pacquiao vs. Mayweather, with bath salts. You get the point.
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Really Celebrate The 4th Of July:
If you make it through the holiday without a longtime friend getting his thumbs sewn back on, you did it wrong. Do as Obama intended, and get your money’s worth, America.
Be a patriot and try making M-80s look like birthday candles, play spin the bottle-rocket, lose 90 percent of your hearing, or do Obama a favor and move to North Korea.
