Dear God,
Thank you for each of my sons. I love them so much. I am absolutely enamored merely by their existence and I cannot imagine living my life without them. I realize that I was only at the tender age of 19 when I decided to have my first child. It was a sensibly tough, yet wise and necessary decision. Everyone told me I was not ready to be a mother, but I entered into this journey of Motherhood anyway. Armed with a brave heart, naiveté, an iron-will, and youth. I proceeded with the motherhood experience, it is what I have always likened or perceived a gang initiation to be. It was me being thrusted blindly into a scary, multi faceted, fast paced, learning abyss. Nobody told me what to expect nor could they prepare me for life as a new Mom. None of my girlfriends, younger sisters, or cousins were parents at the time.
Luckily God, I had you to lean on, because after my son Darrin’s birth, I slipped into nearly a week long bout of the ‘New Mommy Blues’ (aka postpartum depression). I walked around both dizzy and aimless for that entire first week because I was so exhausted from being startled and awakened by the abrupt, siren-like cries of my newborn blasting my eardrums. I was totally unprepared. I was scared but I could only share my fears with you, because I had to appear to be ready with my Mom and Grandmom watching. You knew I was weak, but through my weakness, I gained strength… Being a new mom for me meant patience, a lesson in self-reliance, unwavering loyalty and unconditional love.
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My first born gave me one of the most important of life skills; Resilience. During that cycle, he transformed me from being a teenaged girl to womanhood via motherhood. Today, at 19, Darrin is superbly mature, laid-back, low-keyed, peaceful, non-materialistic and completely himself. He gives me no teenage angst; he is introspective, he flows, he’s like a hippie born during the ‘Woodstock’ era, in spirit. He is so unaffected by my lifestyle or anything remotely mundane or flamboyant. Lord, only you know how I would have been at 16, so immature and with a ‘famous’ step-parent or parent, you would have thought I was born a Lauder or Hilton;-) I thank you for Darrin because he blesses me with his individuality, simplistic, humble, down to earth spirit, and meekness. Oh and he’s never been in trouble, that in itself is a blessing these days.
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Some nine years later, when I gave birth in 1999 to my second son Ryan, I was far better prepared. You blessed my son with gifts of honesty, good looks, & athleticism beyond my imagination. Not only is he talented, he is so fair and believes in only playing by the rules. Ryan, now 11, teaches me the benefits of discipline (hard work), the value of being a team player and following the ‘rules’. He is a blessing to me ,because he is like a ‘little Grandpa’, keeping me in line; no texting or cell phone use while driving, and a constant reminder to obey speed limits. At times, I feel like I’m driving with Oprah or even a pastor 😉 He is a walking PSA – he pulls my coat tail and helps me keep focused on values, rules, morality and responsibility (punctuality) – always making me think, care about people and the world around us.
Photo credit: Robert Ector taylorectorstudios.com
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Then there is Kile… My artisan, he’s Andy Warhol meets Bill Gates coupled with Justin Bieber and infused with Emeril. Now Lord, you know
