Miss the State of the Union address last night? Don't know what the hell an SOTU is? Chose Christopher Dorner coverage over President Barack Obama? Are you a hipster without the internet or TV? Or participated in Wasted Wednesday at the bar and got so drunk that you feel asleep before Obama's speech even aired?
If so, first things first...get your life.
And secondly, don't fret! We've got you covered.
State of the Union speeches usually go off without hitch and most make you want to pull your hair out, but this SOTU was like the hottest political event of this year so far.
First there was Obama's fired up and ready to go speech. He played no games.
Then there were salty faces of NRA advocate Ted Nugent and Speaker John Boehner.
But there were also heartwarming - and heartbreaking - moments.
So here they are, the most turnt-up, hilarious, important moments of the night. Make sure you set your DVR to record this next year, because we might not be so generous next time. Just kidding.
The Exploding Fist Bump:
In the dopest bipartisan act that went down last night, President Obama fist bumped with Sen. Mark Kirk (R-Ill.). But it gets better...it was an exploding fist bump that ended in awesomeness. And probably some cool points for Kirk. Take note, Republicans.
Boehner Has A Chris Brown Moment:
Here he is, with the ill poop face. House Speaker John Boehner makes it no secret that he doesn't agree with anything the President says, but during the address, he refused to stand and clap when just about everyone was giving the President a standing ovation. And just like Brown, Boehner was sitting front and center. Cue the Frank Ocean/Obama savior blogs.
If a 102-Year-Old Can Vote...So Can You:
In one of the most heartwarming moments of the night, Obama focused on Desiline Victor, a 102-year-old woman who waited in line hours to vote. “And as time ticked by, her concern was not with her tired body or aching feet, but whether folks like her would get to have their say,” Obama said.
Basically he said, "Fuck that, there are no excuses...get out there and vote!" But in all seriousness, the President is looking to streamline the voting process and enhance our voting rights. Well played, Obama.
Don't Be A Deadbeat Dad:
The line of the night. “What makes you a man isn’t the ability to conceive a child, it’s having the courage to raise one." Let. Them. KNOW!
Putting the Spotlight on Hadiya Pendleton:
The President saved his gun-control segment for the last part of his speech and used some harrowing examples to drive home his point. Most notably, and heartbreaking, was the focus on Hadiya Pendleton, the 15-year-old shot and killed in Chicago. It was an unprecedented move...never before has a President given notice to the crime on our corners, especially the dead black kids in America. He spoke about Hadiya while her parents, Cleo and Nate, watched on with the First Lady.
Obama then segued into Newtown and other mass shootings and urged America to protect our most precious resource: our children.
Absolutely the most tear-jerking moment of the night.
But oh wait, there's more!
Rubio's Watergate Scandal:
Just watch the video. Then laugh.
Obama's Game Changing Legislation:
Take note...Obama's about to change lives...
“I urge this Congress to pursue a bipartisan, market-based solution to climate change…If Congress won’t act soon to protect future generations, I will.
“I propose a “Fix-It-First” program to put people to work as soon as possible on our most urgent repairs, like the nearly 70,000 structurally deficient bridges across the country.”
“I propose working with states to make high-quality preschool available to every child in America. Every dollar we invest in high-quality early education can save more than seven dollars later on – by boosting graduation rates, reducing teen pregnancy, even reducing violent crime.”
“Real reform means establishing a responsible pathway to earned citizenship – a path that includes passing a background check, paying taxes and a meaningful penalty, learning English, and going to the back of the line behind the folks trying to come here legally.”
“Tonight, let’s declare that in the wealthiest nation on Earth, no one who works full-time should have to live in poverty, and raise the federal minimum wage to $9.00 an hour.”
Bet you won't miss a State of the Union address again. Thank me later.
SOURCE: White House