Have you ever had sex with an ex?
Unless you are a saint, in which case you should really know better than to click on my blog–
I’m guessing you’ve had some ex-sex.
If you’ve done it, congratulations!
You’re NOT a saint, and believe me– you’re NOT alone.
There is nothing like the smell, taste, swerve and curve of that ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who knows how to make sweet SWEET love to you.
Please try to tell me I’m wrong…
There is the ex-sex that happens right after the break up. We will call that the “fresh ex-sex”.
The fresh ex-sex is so good that your friends might have to come over to your house and have an intervention with your crazy ass because the sex with your ex has been so damn sweet… And so damn debilitating…
That you’ve been reduced to a crumpled up hot mess of tears and desperation.
The last time I “went there” it took three girlfriends to get me out of my bed. Yup, my “fresh ex” had left me—after a very satisfying sex session of course– all sorts of pathetic!
Picture this– I was cuddled up with:
A bottle of red wine…
A large pizza from Poppa Johns (how good is that garlic sauce?)…
A month of recorded The Young and the Restless episodes…
AND a fully charged cell phone.
(Insert a thunderclap and que the violins)
“Why the hell did you sleep with him girl? You knew this sh*t would mess you up!” my best friend felt the need to point out, while applying a cold compress to my puffy, snot filled face….
“I know, I know I’ll never do it again!” my weepy ass promised while I secretly shot off dramatic texts to my fresh ex from my Blackberry, waxing romantically about how he was my “soul mate”, my destiny!
Damn, why is that fresh ex-sex so good (and bad)?
It’s like the worse the breakup– the more painful the end of the relationship– the better the ex-sex is.
Lets not leave out the ex-sex with the ex who is now in another relationship. Yeah, I said it, and don’t front like you don’t know what I’m talking about!
You (yes YOU) used to be the main one in their life and now YOU are the undercover jump off.
You went from being Faith Evans to Lil’ Kim.
I have an ex, who has been officially off the market long enough to get married and produce two kids. Regardless, he feels that sex with exes “doesn’t count” as cheating because women from his past are “grandfathered in” for future sex, despite his marriage. I’m not sure if that’s technically a kosher point of view, but I’m also not the type to judge. To each there own I say!
After my last really bad break up I called a few of my “still on speaking terms with them” ex-boyfriends. I was on a misguided mission to find out what the hell is wrong with me. Silly me thought my exes could shine some light on why I can’t make relationships work.
I started with my college boyfriend, Nick Sherman– aka, the man I should have married. I asked him when we were getting back together. After twenty minutes of my hysterical sobs, and statements like “I’ll never find a man who loves me like you did” I came right out with it and begged him to come over. He laughed, muttered something like “nope, that’s never gonna happen!” and eventually hung up on me.
Nice effort on my part, but in the end, no ex-sex!
