There I was perusing through a ton of Craigslist postings trying to find someone to sell me tickets to Jay-Z’s September 11th concert. It was the night before the sold-out event, and I really, REALLY needed to get myself into the show. I replied to a few emails hoping for a cheap seat and easy delivery of the ticket.
Noon: I get a call from a former US Solider letting me know he still has tickets left. I give my spending limit and he says if he has a single ticket left just before showtime he would cut me a deal. OK. Fine, I can live with that. A scalper’s gotta get by, too.
10PM: Solider Boy calls back and gives me a proposition. He’s amazed by my “cute” voice and asks if he can come over to just meet me and give me the ticket…for free. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to risk my life for a Hova. After a long conversation and me saying no a few times, we decided to Facebook each other to cut the “stranger-danger” tension. COT DAMN! He was a fine, fine brother! Alas, I let him drive from Jersey to my spot. I know, I know — what in the world was I thinking.
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MIDNIGHT: Solider Boy shows up and I invite himself in for a few. He’s actually nice and not making any moves and we’re just talking. Late Night with Jimmy Fallon was on and we all know that’s a mood killer. Then he asks to use my bathroom and what walked out of my bathroom shocked the eff outta me.
HE WALKED OUT BUCK NAKED!!!!
I’ve heard of the Naked Man routine and theories are “50 percent of the time it works all the time.” Now, I just couldn’t handle myself. This guy was for real. He walked his confident self out and waited for me to attack. As I laughed about the current naked man standing in front of me, I was secretly hoping he wouldn’t get mad and … kill me.
I love you, Jay-Z. But there was no way I was going to get busy with my Craigslist stranger just to catch a concert. I convinced Soldier Boy to put his clothes back on and that tonight was not going to be his night. He left soon after and on the way out he left a paper ticket to Jay’s show.
FTW: Hov’s concert was the best I’ve ever attended.
FAIL: Solider Boy still calls to “get together.”
QUESTION: Do I owe it to my country to call the Solider back?
XXX,
Hussy
