The Daily Grind Video

As Mark Zuckerberg celebrates his 30th birthday, it’s easy to gush about the accomplishments the billionaire has made during his short time on the planet. The Facebook founder has without a doubt changed the way we connect with people on the web — what better way to look at your friends’ sad lunch online or a TMI status? — but there are some downfalls to everyone’s favorite social media site.

While Facebook still remains in the lead as the most popular social network site, we’ve been forced to deal with self deprecating selfies, public breakups, and many more. With the head honcho celebrating the big 3-0, here are 30 things we should do away with on Facebook. After all, it would be the perfect present for Zuckerberg, you know, instead of a Candy Crush invite.

1.  Let’s do away with the couple profiles. They only prove that you have the obliviousness to force your relationship down everyone’s throats. 

2. No more giving your not-of-age son a profile. When he’s older he’ll be happy to know that everyone has seen his embarrassing school photo. Not.

3.  No rants about Kanye ranting about people complaining  about rants. Can’t you see you’re part of the problem?

4. No more of those very personal details that should be relegated to a non-online journal.

5. Stop straight flexing. 

6. With drugs.

7. With guns.

8. With puppies.

9.  Stop promoting that great new job you got by getting your friends to sign up for $10 and then getting their friends to sign up for $10. 

10. People posting fake stories followed by intense arguments about said fake story. Stop. 

11. Stop with weird “late night” posts about your boners. There are children on here! 

12. Stop shaming pages about kids in your school. C’mon guys. Cyber bullying is seriously the worst.

13. Messages for/from evil exes. Stop.

14. Enough messages from former friends (after you post good news.)

15. Funeral Selfies. NO.

16. Hospital Selfies. No.

17. World Trade Center Break-In Selfies. No.

18. Bathroom Selfies. No.

19. #DirtyMirror Selfies. When did that become a thing?

20. Before you say “that’s Instagram dummy.” Where did you think it started? Facebook profiles basically birthed the selfie.

21. The ‘Rihanna-Chris Brown Sextape’ spam takeover. Now I know you watch sextapes on Facebook. 

22. Happy Lunches. Stop.

23. Sad Lunches. Stop.

24. No struggle raps. You need more people. 

25. Conspiracy theories. No.

26. Cheaters giving relationship advice. No.

27. Invite to the modern creepwave: Facebook chat. 

28. Breaking News that’s a week old. Do you not have Twitter?

29. People on Facebook ranting about Facebook. Just log out, homie. 

30. CandyCrushSagaFarmvilleJengaChessUnoSolitare invites. No, I don’t want to play a virtual game at 5 a.m. I HAVE TO GO TO WORK! 


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