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Amber Riley

Source: Chris Mitchell / Chris Mitchell

The era of traditionally courting a woman is long gone as shooting your shot across social media platforms has become the new norm. Actress and songstress, Amber Riley recently spoke with xoNecole about how she found love from simply sliding into her, now fiancé, Desean Black’s dms on Instagram. She mentions how the platform, which focuses on promoting positive images of women of color, brought the pair together. Amber Riley shares why she is an advocate for making the first move in a recent interview with xoNecole after announcing her engagement to the future doctor last week.

More women are shouting from the mountaintops about why it is necessary to throw away outdated constructs on dating and finding love today. There are even some women who push the envelope even further by handling the marriage proposals all by themselves. Men can be a bit indecisive when it comes to commitment and a lot slower to take the next step toward marriage, and it seems as if many women have grown impatient. The question for women becomes ‘are you willing to rid yourself of the old methods that grandma believed you were obligated to practice when finding true love?’ Traditionally, the man makes the first move by asking you out, opening your door, picking up the tab and asking you to be his wife.

The young girls are changing it up and Amber Riley is living proof that despite what others may feel, it isn’t a sign of desperation or being “too thirsty” to show interest in someone early on. It actually worked out perfectly for her as she established a friendship with her fiancé Desean Black. For the songstress, it was a bit easier to shoot her shot with a glass of wine and a few scrolls on the timeline.

Amber tells xoNecole, “you had posted him and I don’t know if he was a Man Crush Monday – I don’t know what he was. When I saw his picture, I was like, ‘Oh my God, he’s such a handsome man.’ I believe I followed him that night, and I remember scrolling through my Instagram, I saw his picture, and I was like, ‘Who is this guy? I don’t remember following him.’ He was on my timeline and I was like, ‘Hmmm, I’m gonna say hi,’ and I did. I literally just said, ‘Hey Desean, how are you?’ in his DMs.”

An effortless play on Instagram led Amber Riley to a lifetime of happiness. She goes on to discuss how this year she practiced being “much bolder” with her dating life and putting herself out there.

“A lot of people don’t want to put themselves out there because they fear rejection. I’m not a special case, so if the person that you’re interested in is interested in you, then they’re gonna respond in that way. A lot of women say, ‘I don’t want to be thirsty going into a guy’s DMs,’ but I wasn’t thirsty and I wasn’t chasing him. I just made myself seen and I made sure that he saw me and it went on from there,” the actress assures xoNecole.

Amber Riley suggests making yourself visible when finding love. Your potential partner may not know you even exist if you refuse to make even a subtle move in his/her viewfinder. The huge difference in dating now versus when our parents and grandparents found their soulmates is the accessibility we now have to a variety of people and opportunities. Social media has made connecting with others easier, but it has also made it difficult to simply settle. There are a ton of options for anyone.

The unapologetic actress shares a ‘how it started versus how it’s going’ post with her and her fiancé. In her interview with xoNecole, she leaves women who are anxious about making the first move with a few words of advice.

“Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there if you’re interested in someone. You don’t know the circumstances because some guys may be a little bit shy and you could be missing your opportunity to get an amazing friend. That could be the person that you’re gonna marry, the love of your life and you miss it all because of ego or pride. If the person doesn’t want you, that just means the person wasn’t for you but you’re just making yourself be seen or available to that person. Don’t think about it as chasing them. It’s basically saying, ‘the ball’s in your court,’ as a man, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

Amber stresses to the women who are too prideful to make the initial move that they could be risking their chance at finding genuine love. Her self-titled EP, RILEY, includes the sensational record “BGE,” which signifies “big girl energy.” Ms. Riley, soon-to-be Mrs. Black, charges young women to channel their BGE by choosing to be visible, remaining confident and taking charge in their relationships.

Amber has found great success in her career by being an overall talent on screen with her notable work as Mercedes Jones on Glee to most recently releasing her six-track project, RILEY, which climbed to the number two spot on iTunes’ R&B Albums chart upon its release in early October. She can now add her mastery of self-love and finding pure love in someone else.

It is of great importance to use your own discernment when deciding to make the first move as a woman and relying on your natural intuition. Just note that many women aren’t holding back and these same women are taking charge in both their professional and personal lives. That job and that man is yours if you want, sis. Shoot your shot or miss out on a potential lifetime of love and happiness. Listen to the greats like Amber Riley because the proof is in the material.

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