Last month Apple’s CEO Steve Jobs announced a leave of absence to focus on his health.
Jobs is a pancreatic cancer survivor and this is his third leave.
Institutional Shareholder Services, an influential advisory firm, cosigned a proposal to call on Apple’s board of directors to release a succession plan each year. Apple is reluctant because they are worried that naming (or not naming names) will invite poaching from Apple’s rivals as well as ensure the resignations of those not on the list.
‘As part of this annual review, the Board has a formal evaluation process in which it identifies and recommends development of internal candidates for succession based on criteria that reflects our business strategy,’ the Cupertino, California-based company said in a statement.
GlobalGrind has assembled four candidates as potential replacements for Jobs. We believe these individuals will open up Apple in creative ways and usher in an era in design and management and sales.
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Who: TPain
Why: He may be annoying but TPain knows computers. When he’s not on TV dropping crumbs on keyboards, he may be found thinking up new ways to disgruntle listeners with auto-tune. Aait,aait, we confess. We only want TPain for the job because it will keep him hidden for a while. Truth be told, it would be interesting to see what a Big Ass Apple Computer looks like when its shipped with A Big Ass Chain.
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Who: Shawn Carter Aka Jay-Z Aka Hova Aka Jigga
Why: The King of Hip Hop announced himself as the King of The Big Apple when he and Alicia Keys released ‘Empire State of Mind’ last year, knocking out the old ‘New York, New York’ anthem. We think Jigga would make a perfect replacement for Jobs because of his success running his enterprises which includes The Nets, RocaWear and his deal with Live Nation. Those and the fact that he has an Apple logo in the middle of his forehead.
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Who: Will.i.am Aka Wiliam Adams
Why: Wil.i.am is from the future. Why else would he dress the way he does? Somehow, the Black Eyed Peas frontman has found a time machine and found his back to us. We just don’t understand. As CEO of Apple, we envision Mr. I.Am distributing free computers to inner city youth all over the world. These computers would be linked to a network of drum machines outputting futuristic sounds to Apple HQ. Seriously, this dude is sharp. As far as we know, he’s the only producer who’s ever recorded a song on a bullet train using a laptop and a CD. As for his business sense? Look at BEP album sales. Their first album sold 300,000 copies. Their last album? Millions.
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Who: Curtis Jackson aka 50 Cent
Why: Whenever a new Apple product drops, Apple fan boys, the crackheads of the digital age, jump on it without question. These crackheads are so loyal, they worship Jobs as a god. Who else but a former crack dealer to take the place of Jobs?
Mr. Jackson has proven his business acumen several times o
