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Dear people of the interwebz: Please get a hobby. A clue. A life. Something.

For the past couple of days, an online petition has been circulating pleading to get Beyoncé and Jay Z to comb Blue Ivy’s hair. At first, it only had a few dozen signatures, and we decided to take the route of if-we-don’t-acknowledge-it-maybe-it-really-doesn’t-exist, because WTF.

Now, the petition has gathered upwards of 3,000 signatures, and much to our disgust, it is a really real–and ridiculous–thing. It reads:

As a woman who understands the importance of hair care. It’s disturbing to watch a child suffering from the lack of hair moisture. The parents of Blue Ivy. Sean Carter A.K.A Jay-Z and Beyoncé has failed at numerous attempts of doing Blue Ivy Hair. This matter has escalated to the child developing matted dreads and lint balls. Please let’s get the word out to properly care for Blue Ivy hair.

Please let’s get the word out that at only two years old, Blue is already shitting on your life (and mine) and what’s happening on that head of hers is absolutely none of your or anyone else’s business, other than the Carters.

The creator of the petition, a New York woman named Jasmine Tolliver, has since deleted her profile on the site (or maybe the Beygency got to her? We like that idea better), and took to her Facebook page to pull the “LOL, I was JKing, guise!” card, posting statuses in an attempt to get the Beyhive off her back. One reads:

I’m just so over with society! Obviously the petition was a joke! It just goes to show you how dumb people really are to believe I would really deep down in my heart start a petition to comb her hair and be DEAD SERIOUS! Your suppose to laugh at stuff like that. Shake your head and keep strolling. A discussion with 4 friends and a joke when I said “I’m going to start a petition to get this baby hair combed” turned global!!! I guess petition sounds important like its judicial. Something that has to be notarized.. Like the courts or police officers has to be involved.! Like its a subpoena! Like if it does get a billion signatures a change will ACTUALLY HAPPEN!!!!! Lol yo it just goes to show people will fall for anything! Especially a petition as stupid as that! Really “COMB HER HAIR” lmao this was genius! I mean I knew I needed to be on somebody television one day because I come up with some crazy topics and jokes but DAMN. My petition has put the damn world at a stand still. Yes the baby needs her hair done I’ll stick by that.! Tuh! But the petition is obviously a joke and thanks to everyone who had common sense to realize it. Doesn’t mean anything but a laugh among friends and family member when I pointed out that it was a mess. But again I’m done with society it’s so easy to get blood sucked into it and brainwashed. I’m going to CONTINUE TO BE ME! NOTHING WILL CHANGE. My thick skin got me through this hilarious experience! I was raised in a no nonsense household and tell it how it is. That’s exactly what I did.! Thank god for alllll of my friends and family members on FB on and off to agree with me and seen the humor in it. I made it baby!!! Google me b*tches! Lmao!

Girl, bye. Blue is so done with your bullshit.

PHOTO CREDIT: Instagram, Giphy

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