Ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time of year again.
Yup, you guessed it! Homecoming celebrations across the nation are back in full swing, and there’s only one place to be – Howard University.
Last year, we gave you a smooth 21 reasons why Howard University’s Homecoming is the greatest homecoming…of all time.
Quite frankly, we can give you 21 MORE reasons why Howard’s is the greatest of all time, but we think it’s best for us to educate those who will venture to “The Mecca” during such a hectic and festive occasion for the very first time.
The gems we’re about to give you constitute your survival guide to #HUHC success. If you set out to the nation’s capital on a wing and a prayer, we’re warning you now, you may end up disoriented, disgruntled, and broke – very, very, broke.
All you #HUHC virgins, read up.
1. Think of a master plan
This “master plan” should consist of the five W’s. Who? What? When? Where? Why? Oh, and throw in the “how?” too. Who are you going with? What events are you going to attend? When are you going to find time to eat? Where are you staying? Why is this sh*t so crazy? And how are you going to accomplish all these tasks?
2. Bring A Ride Or Die Friend/Crew
Having a down-ass friend or group of friends is extremely important when attending Howard Homecoming. Your friends can make or break your experience.
Here are the types of friends you leave at home:
* The Debby Downer/ Negative Nick
* The homebody (who never likes to party)
* The Sloppy Drunk (you don’t want to be a babysitter all weekend)
* The overly dedicated boyfriend/girlfriend (who’s on the phone giving a play-by-play to their significant other every hour on the hour)
* The Irresponsible F*ck Up (you love this friend, but they’re just f*cking stupid and can’t ever get sh*t right)
Here are the types of friends you bring:
* The Down For Whatever Friend (this friend is literally down for whatever, and knows how to roll with the punches)
* The Responsible Ratchet (this friend knows how to party, but also knows when to tell you to stop drinking)
* The Wingman Wendy/William (this friend will pass you the alley-oop, play defense when needed, and know the offensive playbook like the back of their hand)
Basically, your “down ass friend/crew” should be willing to yell, “P.O.P. hold it dowwwnnn. Pimp Squad, baby!” from the back of a Metropolitan Police cruiser. Sounds crazy, but you need a friend that exhibits this level of dedication.
3. Water – Pedialyte – Gatorade
We gave you three options. Pick one. All of these liquids are a must. You will end up at Howard University Hospital with severe dehydration if you rage all weekend with no water. Remember folks, aqua, hydrate yourselves.
4. Uber App
Uber is a newer item on our survival guide, but its level of importance is high. You will be drunk all weekend, so make Uber your temporary best friend. Unlike New York City, D.C.’s cab services absolutely suck, but thanks to Uber DC, Washingtonians no longer have to worry whether they called a “Maryland cab” or city limits cab. Plus, Uber DC is cheaper than Uber NYC.
And guess what #HUHC virgins? GlobalGrind has teamed up with @Uber_DC to deliver you a $25 promotional code valid for NEW USERS only.
If you’re new to Uber, sign up with the code HUGRIND and get $25 off your first DC ride. Sign up now by clicking here!
This promotional code is not valid for uberTaxi or uberT.
Even when the weather forecast says sunny and 70 degrees, it always manages to rain. Don’t know why, but it just does. If you decide not to bring an umbrella, make sure your poncho game is strong.
6. DO NOT DRINK ANY HOUSE PARTY PUNCH
This is pretty simple. If you stop by a house party, bring your own bottle. Not to be courteous, but for your own safety and sanity. Don’t drink the house party punch, “O Cup,” “We Dat Juice,” or any other mysterious community punch. Just don’t.
7. Bring A Couple Of Fresh ‘Fits
When you come to Howard, you’re venturing into the “Flex Zone.” We know you’re used to turning up to the “No Flex Zone,” but at Howard everyone is flexin’ and finessin’. Bring your Sunday best. Well, don’t dress like you’re going to church, but go online and get some stylish gear. You will be judged if you look like you belong in a 2000 issue of The Source magazine.
8. Nap Time
Sounds slightly juvenile, but trust us, you’ll need at least two designated hours that can be used consecutively or separately. The rage is real, and being delirious is even more real. Your body needs rest, find a time to “turn down.” Best turn down time usually happens on Saturday, after the alumni tailgate and before the Saturday night turn up. Now, you’ll be tempted to hit up a “tailgate after party,” but we recommend you eat something hearty and take your ass back to the telly/friends’ house to gear up for the night.
9. Don’t Attend Any Regular Night Club Parties
This is where things get confusing. Howard Homecoming isn’t just an event for Howard University students and alumni, it’s also an event for the city of Washington, D.C. You will see party flyers, all of which will say “Official Howard Homecoming Party” with some random C-List rapper hosting. News flash, there won’t be any Howard students or alumni there. The club will be filled with mindless out of towners (like yourself), D.C. “locals,” and predators. Don’t go. Instead, keep your eyes and ears open to talk about the “Howard” move. There will be multiple moves every night, find out what events you need tickets for and what events you can gain access to by just showing up.
10. You Can’t Do Everything
A very rich man once said, “I’m everywhere, you ain’t never there.” That rich man is Jay Z, and you ARE NOT him.
We know, Howard Homecoming is exciting, but you can’t be at every event for the next four days. Doing “the most” is the ultimate L. Commit to your event choice. If not, you’ll be feeling cheated by only experiencing partial parties.
Pick your parties, alcohol, thot cot, and brunch spots wisely folks. And have FUN!
PHOTO CREDIT: Giphy