Jonah Hex by Cali Tamayo 2 Scars!
Josh Brolin is one hot Hollywood taMALE. On top of that, he is a damn good actor. In addition, he is the son of the even hotter James Brolin — and the step-son of fab Babs — and wait, it only gets better, he is married to ultra-hot-mamma-who-can-act, Diane Lane. So, let’s just call him what he is: blucky. Blessed and Lucky! And yes, Blucky makes a fine fine cowboy.
Since I saw how he injected a vavoom dose of sex appeal to the doomed Llewelyn in ‘No Country for Old Men,’ I was looking oh so forward to him as Jonah Hex… and if you said Jonah Who? worry not…it’s not like JH is the killer moneymaker for DC Comics anyway….but back to Blucky …I could not wait to see him as an angry vengeful Confederate who owes his life to the Indians, can talk to the dead (and in a much cooler way than that kid from The Sixth Sense), runs around in a cape better suited for the South Pole and has weapons that would make Mad Max even madder. Pure movie magic, no? Not so fast, cowboy.
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Don’t get me wrong — scarred face and all, Brolin lights up that screen like a torch in Jonah Hex. And why the long face? Well, at least in this version of this anti-hero, he is very angry at a worthy villain, el mero mero Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich, who can do this character in his sleep…) because they both have bloody scores to settle…and this is all happening when you could actually settle your score the old fashioned way — in the middle of the Civil War with Ulysses S Grant (the guy on the $100 bill) at the White House.
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The way the story goes, there is a nation-killer weapon out there that Turnbull is trying to use against the young America, and Hex is apparently the only man who can stop him…and it’s not like the Hex is defenseless; when you can talk to the dead, you have a lot of allies.
The fact is that Jonah Hex works until it doesn’t and this takes place the second you realize (ok…more than a second into the movie but not much longer I swear) that they forgot to write a story to go with the interesting characters. Mira, don’t get me wrong…the villains are to die for, and there is the lovely Megan Fox as the puta de rigueur…and BTW, why is everyone out there trying to badmouth la Fox?
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Really, it’s not like she is the least talented pretty girl in Hollywood…everyone and their brother is out there to say that she has no talent and other blahblazos when she made it abundantly clear in Jennifer’s Body that she can act… let’s see…could it be that folks hate her because she has a wasp waist and La Loren’s lips? Heck, if we’re going down that road I guess it’s easy to hate her for that.
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