Women in our celebrity-obsessed culture have it bad, real bad and it really irks me when I see women being persecuted after they perform an action similar to men.
Case in point, the cougar phenomenon as tagged to one Demi Moore and the attacks against Amber Rose.
By now, we’ve heard that Moore, 48, and her husband Ashton Kutcher, 26, are going through a divorce or are about to be divorced, or something like that.
While Kutcher has received his share of the blame for allegedly cheating, it’s Moore who has been attacked by the blogs because of her age and her looks. I’ve read demeaning things about Moore being old, unattractive and just plain wrong for falling for a guy her junior.
In the real world, this wouldn’t even matter, because there are women who marry men who are younger than themselves all the time. We don’t hear about it because those people aren’t famous.
When an older man marries a woman younger than him, he’s often celebrated as if he’s made the catch of the century; his prowess is praised. The opposite is true for women. Oftentimes, they’re shamed or ridiculed. This is especially so when we hear of an older woman giving birth way past her supposed prime.
These reactions are puritanical and stem from the Victorian ideals of our culture, ideals that women should only be seen as baby factories (to a certain age) and as something virtuous to be protected. Oftentimes, the latter is applied only to white women. Black women are rarely seen as virtuous or worthy of a pedestal, if we are to read media on BET and VH1 and a handful of hip-hop videos.
[pagebreak]
You don’t have to be a woman to be womanist and/or a feminist. What’s the difference? A person can be pro woman. A feminist is someone who is reacting to preempting the control of women in a male centered society. At times, I consider myself both because I believe women are equal to or greater than men as creative forces. And as a man living in a society that supposedly loves women, all I see is contrary.
In American celebrity culture, If a woman so much as appears to be sexually active or aware, she’s immediately relegated to the whore spectrum of the Madonna/Whore dichotomy as prescribed by Victorian and Christian ideals. This is evidenced by the reactions to Amber Rose who recently, and correctly, claimed that she is often attacked personally because she is woman. Wrote Rose three days ago:
Men in the entertainment industry are praised constantly for their ” wrong doings”. if ur a drug dealer and u took care of ur family before ur fame everyone understands. If u get shot in the mist of u hustling ur cool as fuck. If a mans naked pics hit the internet ppl think its cute or funny then just talk about how big he is. A Man can date 20 models at the same time and he is respected by the world and if a girl does it she’s a disgusting whore and a “Star Fucker” Women get destroyed by the media and our peers constantly but I am writing this to specifically speak about myslf. Regardless of the fact I dated Kanye for 2 years or the fact I was a stripper at 15 years old or that my most private pics were stolen from me and a new batch hit the internet every week, I am a human being. I’m a daughter, a best friend, a great wife and a all around good person.”
What Rose wrote is true: there is a double standard in how men and women are treated in and out of the media; and it’s time we change it. Yes, women are creators of all life (I have yet to meet a man who gave birth) and should be loved and praised; and not be controlled by old values that have no place in a secular society as ours.
Men and women should not be afraid of a woman who knows herself and what she wants sexually. If we are really living in a democracy as we are taught in grade school, then a woman’s choice, regardless of what it is, should remain her own. Whether it’s marrying someone who is decades younger than her, or if she chooses to be a stripper while on her way to becoming a neuroscientist, we must accept the choices and actions of women as their own.
The reality is this though: Racist, sexist, patriarchy won’t allow it.
–Cacy Forgenie
